I envy the people who smile.
I envy their shining eyes and their open hearts.
I envy their cares and problems, their troubles and faults,
which seem small to me even though I bet they are not.
I envy life away from pain.
I envy those little moments that I catch myself forgetting.
I envy waking up in the morning without being scared that I will be sick,
again…and again…and again…
I envy the people who love.
I envy the people who are loved.
I envy love, and heartbreak, and missing him,
everything and anything that is far away from numbness.
I catch myself staring at the mirror searching for myself,
looking for a good reason to stop being envious,
but I then understand, better than I did before,
that I am envious because I am not…